here but not there (yet)

i’m pushing myself to write even though i don’t have much to say. i’m in one of those in between spaces. here but not there (yet). this space is hard to sit in because i’m feeling so much energy and it wants an outlet. it wants to know what’s next, the where and the how. but if you pick the fruit too early it’s often sour or tasteless. so, patience is my practice and breathing into the void to make contact with what it is that wants to be created is an action i’m taking.

contacting the void helps us co-create. maybe that sounds esoteric or new-agey but it is actually quite practical and productive. it helps us align with power rather than force. it helps us recognize that the void is not empty or nothing but rather full of possibility. the void is where creation is created. but. all in and on its own time.

my human condition wants things now. it wants to make things happen. it wants to always be driving. and doing. and creating. and eating the fruit. but all stages of the process are necessary. control is such an interesting…. habit. such a fine line to be in control of your environment your diet your headspace your body your life. on one hand yes, control is necessary to connect with. especially if we want to make “things” happen in our life. but and also, control is a son of bitch and can make one so rigid and scared and untrusting of life and process and surrender.

i’ve been in so many yoga classes where the teacher (often me) is saying all the right things at exactly the right moment but none of it lands because you can feel that they are just in a script. totally controlled by that script that they can’t actually feel the moment. and yet, we need structure to create and deliver our dreams into reality. we need to be able to show up when we don’t want to. we need to be able to hold our self to boundaries. otherwise everything feels haphazard and life becomes a waiting game. boundaries help us appreciate things, experiences, relationships, hard work, timing …

now, back to the in between space. which is a boundary so to speak. a necessary boundary for creation. this in between space is where the magic happens. it's where we learn to trust the process. it's where we learn about timing. and mystery. and thy will. it's where we can strengthen our habits of showing up and appreciating the details of today. it’s where we till the soil and water and fertilize the ground. it may not look like much on the outside and yet this void, this space, this vastness is where you and spirit dance.

“you will be lost and unlost. over and over again. relax love. you were meant to be this glorious. epic. story.”

so here i am, my career is in a total upheaval, life as i know it is not the same and perhaps never will be. i don’t know what the future of my business will look like. i don’t know what is next, when or how. but I do know, this is part of my journey and is necessary for the larger vision of and for my work. i know i’m grateful for this full body shake up. i know that this time is making me dig deeper and refine my vision even more. and I also know (even though I still fight it) that there is a bigger energy, a bigger vastness, a benevolent force that is leading this dance.

so, howl into the void. breathe into it. contact it. but more importantly let it contact you.

how are you???